Challenging Feminist Rhetoric in the Startup World

Recently, I attended TechCrunch in San Francisco. I found myself at a seminar where a panel of female investors/founders were sharing advice with a crowd of women eager to break into the industry. Now, I’ll admit it—I don’t have a poker face, but I was trying hard to keep one as I listened. It didn’t take long, though, before my look of disgust was hard to hide. The advice being spouted? Let’s just say it was more of the same hollow rhetoric that’s supposed to sound empowering but, in reality, keeps women boxed in. I had to excuse myself before my expression caused a scene.

If we’re being honest, a lot of the “feminist” advice coming from these industry voices is missing the mark. It pushes women to mimic male behaviors, overextend themselves, and treat leadership like a toughness contest. And guess what? None of that advice will get you ahead. Here’s what really matters, and why it’s time to call out the f**king nonsense.

The “Act Like a Man” Myth

One of the biggest talking points from these women was how female founders need to be “tough as nails” to gain respect. Newsflash: telling women to adopt traditionally “male” traits isn’t helping. Women don’t need to act like men to succeed. Telling women to leave their authentic selves at the door and trade compassion for coldness misses the whole point.

Statements like “There’s no room for softness if you want to make it” were flying around the room. But strength doesn’t have to mean aggression or shutting down your natural instincts. True leadership isn’t about mimicking someone else’s behavior—it’s about finding the style that works for you. Women bring unique perspectives to the table, and the moment we’re forced to hide that to “fit in,” we lose the very qualities that make us strong. So let’s stop glorifying toughness as the only leadership style worth any damn respect.

The Trap of “Work Twice as Hard”

Another one I couldn’t listen to without rolling my F**KING eyes: “If you want to succeed, you need to work twice as hard as the men.” This tired mantra sets women up for burnout and makes us feel like we’re never doing enough. Women in the startup world already face pressure to prove themselves—telling them to “double down” just piles on more nonsense and stress.

Work-life balance improves productivity and focus. Burning yourself out isn’t a badge of honor. Successful leaders get ahead by working smart, NOT by grinding themselves into the ground. Women don’t need to work themselves twice as hard to be respected; they need to focus on impact and know when to step back. Quality over quantity—let’s not forget that.

Tough vs. Real: The False Choice

And then came my least favorite part of the seminar: the advice that if you want to succeed, “softness” has no place. So compassion, empathy, and collaboration are weaknesses now? GIVE ME A BREAK. This idea that “being tough” is the only way to make it in this industry is outdated and limiting. You do NOT have to choose between being authentic and being respected—those two things can go hand in hand.

This “be tough or get out” attitude forces women into a box that doesn’t belong to us. True strength means staying true to yourself while still being effective. Look at any successful team, and you’ll see leaders who bring understanding, humility, and real connection. It’s not a sign of weakness to care about the people you work with; it’s a sign of strength. Let’s stop pretending we have to abandon our natural traits to succeed.

What Actually Empowers Women in Business

Here’s what really matters, and it’s not about forcing women to fit someone else’s mold. Real empowerment means encouraging women to build skills, lead authentically, and define success on their own terms.

1. Skills and Substance Over Mimicry: Forget acting the part and focus on mastering your field. Leadership isn’t about putting on a tough front; it’s about building trust and expertise. The truth? If you’re good at what you do, that speaks louder than any fake “tough” persona ever could.

2. The Power of Diverse Leadership Styles: Teams thrive when they’re led by people with different perspectives. Good leaders aren’t just tough—they’re adaptable, strategic, and open to collaboration. Women don’t need to act “like men” to gain respect; they need to capitalize on their unique strengths.

3. Balanced Ambition: Ambition is great, but not when it’s toxic. True success means building a career that respects your full self, not one that grinds you down. Success isn’t about working all hours; it’s about creating a life you’re proud of and excited to lead.

   
   

Practical Advice for Women Navigating the Startup World

After hearing that panel, I felt compelled to offer some real, no-BS advice for women who want to thrive in this industry:

• Develop Your Own Leadership Style: Find a style that works for you. Authenticity is magnetic, and people follow leaders who are real. Don’t waste your time imitating someone else.

• Focus on Competence Over Grit: Yes, resilience matters, but grit alone won’t get you far. Build the skills and knowledge that make you great at what you do. When you’re competent, that respect comes naturally.

• Seek Mentors Who Value Individuality: Look for people who encourage you to grow into your unique potential. A good mentor won’t tell you to change who you are; they’ll help you sharpen the tools you already have.

  
  

Ditch the Hype, Embrace the Real

If we’re serious about empowering women, it’s time to stop pushing them to act like someone they’re not. Empowerment doesn’t come from imitating men or living up to some overhyped “tough” ideal. It comes from mastering our own strengths, growing our skills, and making sure our voices are heard. Women can be leaders without abandoning who they are—and we’re all better off when we do.

So here’s my advice to the next panel: stop selling women an outdated idea of success. Authenticity, intelligence, and confidence in our own styles are what the startup world needs. Let’s stop focusing on keeping up with men and start focusing on moving the industry forward with who we are. Because, at the end of the day, we’re here to make sure the world keeps up with us.